This week we will be slaving away at one of the hardest parts of writing: revision! In the spirit of slaving away, I have created numerous drafts of my own personal narrative to share with students. We will be looking over the drafts in class and using them as an entrance point for revision in their own personal narratives. With no further ado, draft one:
It was a typical overcast summer day in Petersburg, Alaska when I was sitting on my front porch. I wanted to learn to ride my bike without training wheels.
I had tried and tried to ride my bike without training wheels. It was so hard. Even my little brother seemed to know more about riding bikes than I did. He could only ride a trike!
As I sat on the porch my dad drove up. He walked over and said, “Whatsamatter, Lat?”
“I can’t ride my bike without training wheels.” I said.
“Hmmm. Well, let’s see if I can help with that.” He walked to the garage and got a screwdriver. He took off the training wheels and picked the bike up off the ground. “Ok, get on,” he said.
“Dad, I can’t. It’s too hard. I can’t do it without training wheels,” I said.
“Lat, I’m gonna help you. Come on, get on the bike,” he said.
My dad started to push me and help me balance at the same time. The pedals started to turn. The bike toppled over and I fell. “See! I can’t do it!” I said.
“Get up. You can do it. Get up,” my dad said. “You’ve got to try.” The same scene played out a few more times. I fell and fell and fell.
Finally, I got on the bike and he pushed me. At that moment, he said, “You are! You are doing it! You’re riding, Lat!” I turned my head and crashed.
“Come on Dad, help me again!” I yelled.
After a few more pushes and a few more crashes, I got to the point that day where I could ride to the end of the street without crashing.